Great Western Coffee Shop

From the Swindon Advertiser (http://www.swindonadvertiser.co.uk/news/8799219.Delays_on_the_line_after_train_hits_cow/):

Any news on the injured cow?

Yes. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hamburger)


I'm going to stick my neck out here and take a wild guess, but I think there may have been a hole in a fence somewhere.

That's a radical thought, are sure them cow's didn't use a ladder  ;D

There was also a report last week of animals on the line between Didcot and Swindon

Also the bigger question has not been asked regarding the "gathering" of cows on the line:  Was it a planned gathering?  Was it a protest at fare rises?  Should the cows be questioned in relation to a new threat of terrorism ?!

I also want to know who on earth gets inconvenienced by cows escaping a field onto a line and instantly think "well at least it wasn't a child"....  ???

Yes ... that struck me as a rather bizarre leap of reasoning, too.  ::)

so the cow went to good use then :)

My question is did these cows have a SSOW plan were they wearing full orange PPE and hard hats did they have a PICOW


Before we had COSS (controller of site safety) we had a person called PICOW(person in charge of work) oh SSOW safe system of work

Either way the lookout clearly wasn't doing the job properly.

What a mooving story. My deepest sympathies to those involved. I udder the words 'RIP' to the cow that lost it's life.

Yes: it was obviously a misteak for the cow to be on the line.  ::)

I suppose they could have been heading to Cowley?

... or Ox-ford

From the BBC (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-devon-13187728):

Sorry, but what exactly is the relevance of that last sentence in the context of the rest of it?!

Journo with just a few more of their ration of words to fill ...  ::)

So next year they can say that 1xx,000 + 1 devon lamb travelled on the South Devon railway.

Hmmm. Personally, I would have LEGGED it by then, but then I would have risked being LAMBasted  (sorry, these puns are going from baaad to worsted. Danger looms, and someone will dye at this rate....)

You're for the chop, mate!  ;) :D ;D

I should have seen these puns coming, I guess someone pulled the wool over my eyes.

Feeling a bit sheepish about that, Ollie?  ;D

Emergency stop from 25 mph (or less) ........ wow

Slamb on the brakes?  ::)

Possibly a bit of wooly thinking there Chris - it's more likely that sentence added to the end of the press release by the railway's PR department for publicity purposes!

Ewe lot!

Cr*p puns as always.

It's enough to drive you Baaa-rmy.

Hmm ... lest the wider world thinks that we're all completely baa-king here ... I'm now moving this particular topic over to 'the lighter side'. :-[

Superb PR - something similar happened on the Looe Valley Line a few years ago.

From the Liverpool Echo (http://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/liverpool-news/local-news/2011/12/31/delays-at-liverpool-lime-street-station-after-train-hits-bull-100252-30037655/):

This would never have happened back when trains were fitted with decent horns.

Fighting talk there, Phil!

Drain cocks were very useful too!

Damn! I was trying to work in a 'cock and bull story' pun, too ...  ::) :o ;D

I thought this was going to be another one of Chris B's ' beefed' up stories that was going to be All Cock and No Bulls...and then began to wonder if he had 'lost his marbles' somewhere .... ;D

Thanks, chuffed - although I think you meant 'Chris from Nailsea' rather than Chris B  ;) :D ;D

Apologies to both of you....! It's never worth crossing a Chris and ending up with a double Chris cross ! At least its better than a Cris double crossed ....I think I need to go and lie down...but not like the bull on the line ...

Defining just what a train has hit also seems to be rather difficult sometimes ...

From the Worcester News (http://www.worcesternews.co.uk/news/9832090.Train_delays_in_county_after_animal_is_struck/):

Mystery animal? Huh! Obviously the Beast of Blockley.

Would the DNA kits that some public transport bodies provide to their staff have been of use?

May've helped identify the species.  :P ;) ;D

From First Great Western JourneyCheck:


 ::)

1S47 came to a sudden Bovine halt.

Oh, burger! That was surely a misteak?  ::)

Holy cow!

Need to moove on - no use crying over spilt milk.  :o

Fortunately, no other issues udderwise.

Indeed: no need to mince words. :-X

To beef air, the line's open again

Oh, no: I'm going to have to moove this topic to 'The Lighter Side', aren't I?  ::)

Bovine Invasion??? What is meaning if this? Mooooooooove out of the wayyyyyy!! >:(

You're all being very silly.  And so am I, for encouraging you.  ::) ;D

I expect the reports were all a load of old bullocks don't you ;D

That was a bit low. 

Reminds me  of the posh boy who was evacuated to the countryside in 1939/40. His horrified Mother when visiting, heard him shout down the lane to the herd .'Come on you F*****s, get a move on! When his mother remonstrated with him, he replied . 'well, the farmer calls 'em effers, but I know what he means really..... :o

 ;D

The Network Rail peep who paged the info out, did manage to drop the following into a message: Train Crew trying to remooove the carcus from under the train.  :D

This topic is utter bull....

Not one to mince your words.  :D

A variation on that story, about an old air force pilot who was invited to speak about his wartime experiences at the local village school. When he recounted how he was once "attacked by a couple of f**kers", the headmistress jumped hastily to her feet to explain to the giggling children that he was referring to a certain type of German aeroplane. "Yes," responded the old ace, "but in my case, those two Fokkers were Messerschmitts!" ;) :D ;D

 ;D ;D ;D

That's offal.


That one really takes the brisket!

... and here's another story, from the Northern Echo (http://www.thenorthernecho.co.uk/news/10143678._/?):


Apart from the poor pony, obviously.  ::)

Horsing about on the railway is dangerous. It can be a nightmare for the staff.

In the mane, you're right.  :P

I heard the poor beast was a little hoarse.

More a foal for getting hit by the train.  ::)

A bit un-stable maybe ?

Possibly: I can't err comment.  :-\

Herd some of these beef ore. Wouldn't it be a calambity if forum members had a poultry or even a baaaaad sense of humour?

Can we all stop bleating on now? (I was a bit sheepish about putting that)

Ewe had enough, have ewe?

This is getting quite childish now...I'm getting the flock out of here

I think you are all missing the point of this. It's a tragic incident that causes serious delays to all those who are involved.

Network Rail have done a fantastic job clearing the site as quickly as possible; partly due to BTPs quick attendance on site - which is due to them being on a steak out nearby. It's this form of collaboration that is worthy of being talked about not silly puns.

I agree it is frustrating for those involved and yes NR did work speedily to clear the line, but I'm sorry I can't overlook your ironic typo which, inadvertently I assume, continued the puns.  ;D

No, the idea was that not many people would notice it because I wrapped it up! It was deliberate. :)

With all the flooding I am surprised a train hasn't collided with a certain type of cetacean mammal swimming across the tracks. Perhaps the guard could warble 'Whale Meat Again' to Control, before he issues flippers and snorkels to the stranded customers....

O.M.C (Oh My Cod)

E.Brown - this is not the time or the plaice to be discussing sensitive BTP steak out information.

Some one needs to take the bull by the horns and end this.  The thread is just floundering now.  Infact just reading it makes me feel eel.

The line might be open but last time I looked the remains where dumped in the CESS.
And I know exactly how a XC Vomit comet bounces going over such an Animal as I was on 1S47 0n New years day.

And whilst Some off you make light of this, is it in Train Crew T&C's to act as Butchers in pulling sawing and Hacking at a lump of meat (about a Ton of it!).
Or would you like some details of the Ladys Injuries I saw after a fatal Crossing accident, make fiun of that would you!

I think the fun is entirely at the expense of the English language not the undoubted distress of those involved in these events.  Those who work in the emergency services are well used to dark humour to get them through awful situations.  No-one (I hope) on here would be so callous as to mock real people in terrible trouble.

As for all these terrible fish puns which seem to have crept in, I wouldn't be surprised if they have appeared in whiting elsewhere.

 think Chris from NailSEA...we locals call it 'Nellzee' ....may have thought we were all becoming somewhat  mollyCODDLED and decided to give this another fry, by going off bream a bit. I take the blame for casting the net wider,to catch some more puns and now that the chips are down, fully expect to be battered for doing so.

Gets the seal of approval from me.

There's a time and a plaice for silly puns.

We're in 'The Lighter Side' here so I don't think there's any issue with a little bit of frivolity. Okay, the humour is a little on the dark side and at the expense of an animal or two who have had the misfortune to lose an argument with a train.

Obviously, I can't speak for the dedicated staff who have to clear up the mess, but one would hope that our making light of these incidents isn't causing any grave offence.

As long as there is no serious consequence from these animal/train interfaces, I see no need for moderator intervention.

Laughter (or with these puns: groaning) is the best medicine. Obviously that medicine is of little use to My Little Pony, Ermintrude etc etc....

I'll finish by telling of an incident involving wildlife from a train I was on. At line speed between Warminster and Salisbury I heard a 'thump, thump, thump' from up front. I then saw a cloud of grey feathery matter pin wheel past the window I was sat at. On arrival at Salisbury I went up front to see that the 158 had a new bright red and speckled grey livery. I asked the driver whether he'd hit some pigeons and he said, and I quote: "Yep, got three of the f******, but one got away! I'll get him on the return trip."

From the BBC (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-northamptonshire-21360493):

The usual STAGnant reporting from the BBC

Oh deer. :)

Doe!  :P

for Cod's sake!

Don't you mean 'for cod's hake'?

Onl :oy if you are herring me correctly. It  could turn out that this is a load of carp.

Deciding whether it was probably a horse, rather than possibly a cow, for example?  ::) :o ;D

Well - that will help decide whether to send the meat off for beefburger or - err - beefburgers

Although the pack of the burgers in question were not described as beef burgers on the packaging, simply as burgers. My Iceland pack are described as "Griddle Burgers" as the product name.

Are you sure you don't mean 'Riddle' burgers ?!

And  as for the Irishman who was asked if he'd like anything on his Shergar burgers..... he replied.... ^5 each way !

From c2c's Official Twitter Account, Reports of a Bovine Incursion at London Fenchurch Street ;D ;D ;D ;D

http://t.co/XU0Nglmu9W (http://t.co/XU0Nglmu9W)

Glad to see that something tickled The Trout and that he hasn't lost his SOH since being ticketless ! ::)

Do you think c2c will Beef up security as a result?

I expect C2C is on the horns of a dilemma.

I'm sure the TOX publicity machine will milk this for all it is worth.

For those in the mood, there is a stock selection of puns available on this forum at http://www.firstgreatwestern.info/coffeeshop/index.php?topic=8295.0  ::) ;) ;D

Chris
Thanks for giving us a steer.

Is that a stock photograph?  Correct this time?  ;D

Paul

Maybe this should be merged with the udder thread?

I give in - topics now merged, as suggested.  ::) :o ;D

Cheers Chris.  Not easy merging topics on a moobile phone.

(Ok, that was a very poor play on words)

Still, pretty impressive if achieved on the hoof.

I feel I may have been bullied into it, but I'm not going to beef about it.  :P

From the Metro (http://metro.co.uk/2013/10/12/elephant-dies-after-collision-with-express-passenger-train-in-india-4143835/?):

Nellie a disaster.

Tusk, tusk.  ::)

Was this on a Trunk Route?

At least one person remembered his Hi-Vis vest in that photo!   ::)