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Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has promised to nationalise Hornby, after a string of profit warnings from the struggling service.

A new range of filthy carriages stuffed to the roof with tiny, red-faced passengers failed to raise flagging sales over Christmas.

^It was a complete surprise,^ said exiting boss Richard Ames.

^I thought people would feel obliged to buy them, because we^d put the price up quite a bit.

^And more often than not when you opened the box, it was completely empty. Or it just contained a replacement toy bus.^

Corbyn thinks enough is enough, and has pledged to buy up the existing stock, using money from people who would rather play with Scalextric.

^Hornby is a vital part of Britain^s infrastructure,^ explained the Labour leader.

^It prepares our children for the disappointment of using the real rail network.^

The final batch of seven Class 66 locomotives are on their way to Doncaster, having been unloaded at the Port of Newport over the weekend.

Due to changes in EU emissions standards, these will be last new Class 66 locomotives to be built ...

Or it just contained a replacement toy bus.