Great Western Coffee Shop

I often overhear things on a train which amuse me, but then quickly forgot them...so just to record for posterity...

Woman on phone (not in the quiet coach for a change).  "I may be a bit late into Truro as they have announced our train has been diverted via Bristol"

FACT:  It was the 07:30 from Paddington to Penzance, which always goes via Bristol.  What the announcement actually mentioned was that the train had made an extra call at Didcot because the old favourite, the 07:15 to Cardiff, had been cancelled.

Here's one from last week as our train arrived at Bristol

Male TM (looked mid twenties) "Don't worry, we'll get you married off"

Female 1st Class Customer Host (middle aged) " I don't want marriage, I just want a man to come round twice a week and give me sex."

While she's staffing the buffet/pushing the 1st Class trolley?  :P ;) ;D

Not on a train but said to me at Hanborough Station yesterday where parking charges start next Monday:
A furious lady (?) approached and demanded to know how she would be able to park her car next week. She said ^I have an arrangement with a resident of Station Terrace to park my car outside their house. They put a cone out to reserve a space for me to park my car but next week there will yellow lines to prevent me from parking there. Where am I going to park my car?^ On being told that there should be plenty of available spaces in the new car park she responded ^but I will have to pay and I do not think I should pay as I pay a high train fare that should include that^. 

I'm sure some bright spark could come up with an inclusive "plus parking" ticket just like you can get "plus bus" and "plus travel card".  Perhaps we should also have "plus cycle", "plus dog", "plus baby buggy", "plus a lot of luggage" and "plus two dogs". I fear I'm in danger of starting a serious discussion here.

There are a few 'plus parking' tickets out there already.

East Midlands Trains do a 'Standard Plus Parking': http://goo.gl/aAaFb and a similar 1st Class product.

East Coast offer a few 'packages' that include parking: http://goo.gl/eCgar

FGW offer a 1st Class 'Executive Ticket': http://www.firstgreatwestern.co.uk/Train-times-and-tickets/Ticket-types/Business-tickets

She seems to be missing the point that even the resident doesn't have any right to park on the road outside their property - cone or no cone.  ::)

You forgot 'plus seat' and 'plus seat for my bag'.  ;D

You learn something every day ...


and I also learned about

I've seen a few people with these on my commute.   They are normal season tickets, but the photocard number is printed as "BEARER".

Pricing varies on the TOC who set the fare.  Based on a few quick glances, I'm guessing SWT charge 1.5x the normal season ticket price.  I have no idea how FGW choose to set fares for these.

Interestingly, it is also possible to purchase a 12-month all line bearer pass directly from Rail Settlement Plan Ltd.  No price is published for this.

I'd move the cone if it was a legal place to park  ::)

Young girl sat opposite me on a Southend Victoria - London Liverpool Street service on the phone.

"I'm not quite sure whether I want to get some fake tan for my boobs or sunbathe topless"

Also on the same line, different train in the opposite direction. Group of failed youff experiments were giving me grief and wanted me to leave 1ST Class. After some further profane language directed at me I heard one of them say "How long till we get to Romford?"

The train did not call at Romford... However it does call at Rochford ::) :o ;D

I took great pleasure point out Romford as we thrashed through it at about 90mph. Most satisfying. ;D

On my nice cool train up to Bedford earlier (note.. not a very hot FGW train - see my other post re that).. there was a conversation between three ladies about the Rolling stones (who'd they'd seen last night) and who they would.. erm... like to "go out with".. It was nowhere near as polite as that but it made me laugh.. ::) :P

Thanks, John R - that's a classic!  ;) :D ;D

On my way home from Paddington into Reading last night we ground to a halt just before Sutton Business park

The Train Manager then announced "apologies for the delay, Ladies and Gentlemen but we are waiting for a vacant platform at Reading."

Maybe they should consider building some more...

I am aware that we were on a service which was heading towards Penzance and therefore probably had a limited choice of platforms but it still made me smile :)

I think the strangest, yet truest, thing I ever overheard on a train happened on the Welshpool and Llanfair Rly back in the days when some of their halts were hardly obvious.  The pleasantly ponderous progress being once more interrupted by the train pausing at (seemingly) nothing more than a hedge, led to speculation amongst nearby pax.  One lady loudly reached the conclusion that, 'This must be a place.'  ???

Meanwhile I'm still mulling over TTs comment about fake tans. Having travelled on trains  tat go through Essex recently I would suggest sunbathing topless but probably best not done on the train.

Yesterday on an HST in Cornwall: "Is this train going to divide en route?"

I'm guessing the Gentleman comes from an area where splitting trains are quite common and it's better to be safe than sorry, but the thought of an HST dividing en route and then running off to different places did make me smile.

I once overheard an elderly aristocratic gentleman who had just got on at Paddington ask which way the train would be leaving, as he preferred his back to the engine. I resisted the urge to point out that there would be a hell of a mess if it went east.

Was it an HST?

If so which engine does he want his back to? One on the front or the back? :P

Yes. But given that the chap in question didn't seem to be able to grasp the concept of a terminus, I thought it best to save my breath.

"Can you hurry up. You are taking too long to get that wheelchair on the train" very loudly on a walkie talkie earlier on a train waiting to leave Reading..as said wheelchair passenger was struggling to transfer themselves from the wheelchair (which wasn't theirs) to a seat so the staff could take the wheelchair and themselves off the train.. Not one of FGW's finer moments and probably not one for the Lighter side really (apologies for that but it fitted into this topic best)

Very poor form indeed, Jo.

Sad to say, but there is a minority of rail staff out there who believe that the trains would run much better if pesky passengers didn't have the temerity to insist on travelling.

To be fair I think the guy who said it didn't realise quite how loud the guy who's walkie talkie (that probably isn't the correct term is it  ::)) received it was set.. The whole carriage heard it..

I actually get that quite often, especially when making lots of SDO announcements (such as Cornwall or between Westbury & Reading).

Someone also asked me the other day if the brand new trains would be making it down as far as Exeter.  I assumed they were talking about IEP, but was then told they'd seen one at Paddington the other day, and turned out they were referring to the 180s  ;D.

Two middle aged women walking through Coach F just before the 21:45 left Paddington

"Oh so the Air Conditioning only works in First Class then. Urgh."

I couldn't help but laugh at that. If it was you that I smirked at tonight. Considering my journey on a 158 not long ago I couldn't help it. I'm sorry. :D

I had one on a Voyager in the Sandwell & Dudley area a couple of years ago where two young Indian-descent women were discussing their respective driving tests. One of the two revealed that she failed because she stated in her Theory Test that all zebra crossings had traffic lights...

On a day when signalling was a big problem at Birmingham New Street, I was sent from one platform to another several times by staff who were obviously as frustrated as I was with the lack of information. Eventually, I set off looking for the train myself, eventually finding one with Bristol TM showing on the front. I confirmed with the conductor that it was the next train to Bristol, and would leave as soon as the train in front got out of the way. A number of other passengers boarded just before the doors shut.

As we pulled out of New Street, next stop Cheltenham, a fairly elderly gentleman of oriental appearance asked the conductor what time we got to Telford.

Maybe he was old and remembers when trains to Cornwall were Class 47's + Mk2E/F's, and the rear 4 or 5 coaches including Restaurant/Buffet came off at Plymouth. Or maybe he was French and is used to TGV's dividing en route (which they do quite often). Or maybe he didn't have much faith in buckeye couplings...

Always best to make sure you're in the right bit of the right train for where you want to go to.

I used to be a fireman on the W & L. Must have been me on that day, and out of steam (again).