Giving up your seat to a pregnant lady

[whole diary]

[Lee]

A heavily pregnant woman was turned away from a train service because staff said it was overcrowded - despite being able to see space in the carriages (link below.)
http://www.thisisbath.co.uk/displayNode.jsp?nodeId=163490&command=displayContent&sourceNode=163316&contentPK=16604907&folderPk=89126&pNodeId=163047

Bath office worker Kieshia Chun suffered a panic attack on the platform after being told her train was full by a member of staff who said it wasn't his problem.

The 22-year-old is eight months pregnant and uses the train to get from Bath to her home in Weston-super-Mare.

Ms Chun later called First Great Western to ask for a refund on her weekly ticket.

She was told she would receive a return call in 24 hours but , despite following her phone call with a letter to the company , has heard nothing in response more than a week later.

[Graz]

This is the kind of thing that makes me angry with FGW^▸ (First Great Western). You've got the uncaring conductor, and the uncaring company, painting a dreadful picture of FGW as a whole. I've seen this 'not our problem' attitude from FGW ever since they took over the franchise, and I don't think I've ever seen it from Wessex before when they were in charge.

[Lee]

FGW^▸ (First Great Western) have now apologised (link below.)
http://thisisbristol.co.uk/displayNode.jsp?nodeId=144913&command=displayContent&sourceNode=200267&home=yes&more_nodeId1=144916&contentPK=16664941

[Chris from Nailsea]

From the BBC^» (British Broadcasting Corporation - home page):

Some commuters don't give up their seats for pregnant women because they fear offending someone who is just overweight, it has emerged. Here, expectant mothers give tips on how to tell the difference.
It's a minefield of mixed signals, indecision, guilt and offence. All played out painfully in public on a crowded bus or train.
Some people are just selfish, yes, but the average commuter would probably give up his or her seat for a pregnant woman, with good grace. It's just not that straightforward.
For a start, he might not have noticed her, and is instead lost in a book or World Cup supplement. Few people repeatedly scan for those more in need of a seat at every stop. And where does his area of responsibility end - shouting distance?
Then there's that nagging doubt - is she pregnant, fat, or just wearing a baggy top?
Whatever the discomfort of offending a pregnant woman by staying seated, is it preferable to the excruciating awkwardness of effectively telling a woman, within earshot of about 20 people, that her tummy is so inflated it looks as if there's a baby inside?
The same dilemmas apply to seated women, of course, but society's expectation to be chivalrous still falls more heavily on men. And women, perhaps, are more adept at spotting the signs.
No wonder some passengers are frozen by agonising indecision. A survey by gurgle.com, a website owned by Mothercare, says 84% of pregnant women regularly have to stand - and one of the reasons under discussion on its messageboard was that seated commuters don't want to offend the non-pregnant. To help make things clear, Mothercare sells "Baby on Board" badges.

[JayMac]

"I'd rather see a pregnant woman standing, than a fat woman sitting down crying!"

Jimmy Carr

[grahame]

Perhaps you were taught chivalry?   Beware - you could cause distress by offering your seat ...

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/christina-kenny/being-mistaken-for-a-pregnant-lady_b_5669880.html

[thetrout]

I have been in this situation a few times. It's not a great one, notably the last time this happened, the conversation went a little like this

"Would you like my seat to sit down?"

"Why don't you just say it? I'm ****ing fat?!"

"No. I was offering a Lady my seat because it's good manners and the right thing to do. And I like to think I am polite and have good manners. My parents would too. But it looks like I went to too much ****ing trouble and I don't so no-one wins!"

*Whacks the volume on MP3 right up*

There are also 2 sides to this one. On the bad days where I cannot stand for too long and I sit in a Priority Seat and/or near to the toilet. Another occasion I remember very well I was requested in no uncertain terms to move because "My friend is clearly pregnant" Whilst it's not my place to judge whether that was the case or not. The tone in which I was asked was not one I approved of. Several eyebrows were raised when I declined the request without reason. All I said was:

"No."

This took the lady aback. Clearly she wasn't expecting that answer.

"Are you completely thick? Do you not understand? Move. Now"

I reached into my top pocket and pulled out my railcard:

"I have one of these things if that's what you mean... And I moved as you requested by taking this out of my pocket. Happy now?!"

Whilst some maintain what I did was just asking for trouble. To an extent I agree. But there are ways and means of asking for something. If you're just rude, snotty and in someones face. Not everyone will tolerate it.

[grahame]

I reached into my top pocket and pulled out my railcard:

"I have one of these things if that's what you mean...

You would also have been correct if you had pointed out that you had no choice but be in that condition, but that the day had probably been indulging in intentional activity to render her thus ...

You also have the example of the house of commons / minister for equality on your side:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2464452/Pregnant-minister-Jo-Swinson-forced-stand-PMQs.html

As David Cameron took questions in the Commons at midday every seat was taken, leaving a large group of MPs^▸ (Member of Parliament) standing by the main doors.

Miss Swinson, who is due to give birth on Christmas Day, was among them.

But none of the MPs sitting just feet away offered her a seat ^ to the surprise of Westminster observers.

James Forsyth, political editor of The Spectator, wrote on Twitter: ^Quite remarkable that no MP has offered Jo Swinson, who is seven months pregnant, a seat.

However aides to Miss Swinson claimed the idea that she was not capable of standing was 'sexist'.

A source close to the minister said: ^The suggestion somehow that people should be outraged on her behalf is ridiculous. The idea that just because she is seven months pregnant she has lost all ability to stand on her two feet or fend for herself is quite sexist.

[JayMac]

I wonder if, on that occasion, her husband Duncan Hames had a seat? 

[tom m]

I think London underground have the right idea in offering free badges that way there is no doubts if anyone is wearing one. Not every pregnant woman travelling on the tube/bus might want to wear one but it can help that awkward conversation.

[grahame]

Perhaps for "The Lighter Side" but never the less giving rise to serious thought ... a party story told in my youth - "way back when", when Fish and Chips were the junk food to plump you up, and seriously overweight people were a rarity.

A mother is concerned that her son is getting overweight, and has the family cut down on Fish and Chipes and start eating more Fish fingers, boiled potatoes, peas, and cabbage. She points out a fat man in the street one day - a spare tyre flopping lazily over his belt - and says to her son "that's how you will turn out if you eat too much fatty food".

Travelling home on the bus one day, the son sees a woman who's heavily pregnant, goes up to her and with a cheeky grin says "I know what you've been doing" ...

Readers will appreciate I'm not a comedian and don't deliver jokes well.   This one - perhaps politically incorrect - does have that serious veneer in highlighting certain issues.

[grahame]

I think London underground have the right idea in offering free badges that way there is no doubts if anyone is wearing one. Not every pregnant woman travelling on the tube/bus might want to wear one but it can help that awkward conversation.

I think it's a "no win" however you do (or don't do) it.     Idealised, people should not have to prove or show in any way that they need that little bit of extra consideration / space.  And whilst attempts have been made to reduce / simplify the requirement to show / confirm the need at the time of use, I fear they must remain to avoid the system being abused by lots of Mr I. Wannaseats  and Mrs I. Paidforthis pushing in front of those for whom the extra consideration is a requirement.    The modern system of keeping waiting (even at terminals) until a handful of minutes before their train leaves before allowing boarding to start makes for a real "survival of the fittest", which doesn't help.